The moon watches us through the velvet night

The riptide watchmen remind us that the ocean is everlasting and will kill you without hesitation 

I spend a lot of time ankle-deep when no one is looking 

My mother is a heavier sleeper than she thinks 

Most mornings I leave through the front door to greet the unconquered hours with foggy breath and a smile

I park on the street so she doesn’t hear my car start and I head east

Stumble out of the driver’s seat and onto the sand

And I miss things gone by like innocence and potential and a time when I was good 

I wonder if or when he’ll leave me

I’m not good enough for him and I think he knows it 

I wonder if I’d be happier if I cut off my parents

I wonder if my friend and I will always be friends 

Is she actually going to leave the country and if she does will she keep her promise of one postcard a month

My friends are good people 

I’m barely better than my worst actions

I honestly don’t know why they love me